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Lyrics - Nasty Nell
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you don't know jackBunky he was waiting for a big old fish to strike
Daydreamin' 'bout women and the fight on Friday night
He spat a loogie o'er the side and took another chew
When something starts to thrashing such as feisty fishes do
No sooner Bunky cocks his head, a female form appears
It's Nasty Nell, the mermaid, just as sure as Bud is beer
"Dammit, Captain," she pipes up, "you've snaggled my caboose.
I'll give you to the count of two to up and cut me loose."

"Hold on, Sister," Bunky sez, "I don't believe we've met.
Whyn't you just thrash until that hook is good and set,
And then I'll haul you up on deck and won't we have a time.
A salty gal such as yourself would prob'ly suit me fine."
Now Nelly ain't no beauty—I forgot to tell ya that.
Tattoos on her biceps, and barnacles up her back,
Seaweed sprouted from her chest and a scar ran cross her gut
And she cursed like any blue-nose when she got her dander up:

"Go to hell!" sez Nasty Nell, a'stubbing her cigar
You're nothing but a lily-livered lousy lump o' lard
I'd jump the bones of Davy Jones or sit on Ahab's knee
Before I'd let the likes of you lay chiggered mitts on me

Bunky starts to chuckle, just to see the mermaid spit
And he settles in his deck chair so's to watch her pitch a fit.
"Tell me when you're tired, Luv," he sez to Nasty Nell.
"I don't want you all tuckered when I ring that party bell."
"Look here," Nasty Nell starts in, "this isn't any joke.
Piss me off and in a flash, I'll up and sink your boat."
"I love a spunky lady," Bunky answers with a grin,
And he gets his fishing tackle and he starts to crank her in.
"There, there," Bunky tells her, "No need to feel distraught.
All's fair in love and fishing, and you're the one got caught."
But Nelly held a mirror up and flashed it from her hand.
"Fifty bucks sez you ain't setting foot again on land."
With that she flipped her scaley tale and jiggled loose that hook
She flipped old Bunk the finger and without a second look,
She dove down deep and swam away without a pretty please
As Bunky felt the water start to swirl around his knees.
It's a lesson for the learning, for them's as would be wise.
Watch out for them there mermaids what'll cut you down to size
They are the stuff of legends such as found in any book
Why, a mermaid, she can sink ya with a single dirty look!
There's countless songs and stories though no witnesses survive
They don't appear inclined to leave us sailor boys alive
They'll flash that bloody mirror and down in the sea you'll drop
Just ask our buddy Bunky next time he washes up.

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