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Lyrics - Napoleon's Last Stand
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(for Myron Peterson from Janie Meneely)

It happened on a Wednesday
We were sitting at the bar
Jake and me and Tom McGee
Each knocking down a jar
And telling blonde jokes, dontcha know
And generally keeping score
When in comes this here dandy
From up in Baltimore
He says his name's Napoleon
And he plops right down beside
With his hand inside his jacket
Like there's something there to hide
And he orders up a brandy
And he downs it in one swill
We'd never seen the likes of him
This side of Federal Hill

   Oh you can have your lager
   And you can have your beer
   Whiskey, rum or gin by gum
   And drink it with good cheer
   But those of us were with him
   When the fighting it was done
   Think it's dandy to drink brandy
   And to toast Napoleon

So Jake gives Tom the elbow
And he pipes up "Howdido?"
Napoleon gives us a grin
And starts to parlez-vous
We can't decipher half a word
But he's putting on a show
When some guy up from Dundalk
Decides to have a go:
"You're a Frenchie, ain'tcha?"
He says in tones uncouth,
"We don't like no froggies here,
Now boys, ain't that the truth?"
And whether it's the truth or not
We don't have time to say
Cuz Dundalk up and clocks him
And the fight is under way.

Well, Dundalk hooks one to the right
Just missing Tom McGee
And Frenchie kicks him in the shin
Then takes a poke at me
And I'm not one to spectate
When the going gets so close
But I swing wide and land upside
The old bartender's nose
It was over in a minute
That Frenchman sure could fight
Feisty little bugger
He was at it left and right
The fist that he was hiding
Carried knuckles made of brass
And in no time Mr. Dundalk
Was flat upon his ass

But someone called the cops out
And they show up sure enough
Take one look at Frenchie
And they slap him in some cuffs
Seems he's just some looney
Gone AWOL from his cell
But he turns to take a parting bow
And bid us all farewell:
"My name's Napoleon Bonaparte,"
He says with great inflection.
And draws up proud and says out loud,
"I'm the conqueror of all nations.
I've vanquished German legions
And sent kings from their throne,
And if you doubt, I'll lay you out
As cold as any stone."

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